I am surrendering everything to the world. I think I've done all that is humanly possibly under the circumstances given me. Reason is my ally today. When emotions are at play, and human relationships are on the line, the mind is the best weapon. So long as the mind is in the right state. And mine is pretty darn straight, thankfully! Mind over heart. Mind over matter. A strong will isn't bad to have either. Right now, I am neither expecting nor wanting. I hope but only for the best. I am letting go -- of all the what if's, what could be's, what shouldn't be's, and all the feelings that came with them. I let my heart soar just a little higher for a while, let my imagination run wild, and let the walls down for just a tiny bit. Now, it's time to plant my feet back on the ground.
The whole day today, I let all emotions wash all over me. They won't be ignored any longer. They came ever so slowly. Very subtle at first, and then they came crashing. Funny how I'm feeling everything at the same time, yet I am numb to the core. Confused, but clear on my purpose. Sad but grateful. Stung, but strong. Hurt, but in control. Eager to go forward, but content to swim with memories, to linger in the present.
I have complete faith in the future. Faith will be another ally, my protection against uncertainty. I will find what I am looking for, and it will find me. Whatever form it will take, I do not know. Again, I hope only for the best. And when it does find me, I hope I am ready. Ready and willing to let life and destiny run its course.
I believe that gratitude is the fastest link to happiness. It makes you feel positive. contented. peaceful. And it enhances the feeling of love. Jason Mraz sings about gratitude all the time. Which is one of the many reasons I love him so much :)
On the other hand, constant wanting does nothing but produce stress. Stress doesn't necessarily have to be bad. Some forms of stress are good for you. Good or bad though, it's stress all the same.
Janine's Weekly Love project allows you to de-stress by taking notice of everyday "moments of love." Moments like these can be found in the most unlikely places, in the most mundane of things. As such, they go by unnoticed. If we slowed down though, we'd see plenty, and we'd feel a lot happier. The perfect way to handle stress. (And I know I don't handle stress very well)
Here's my list of my moments of love. I am grateful for..
..Social media. It makes communicating with friends abroad so very easy.
..Reliable internet connection at home and at the office. Can't imagine life without it.
..Long but immensely satisfying conversations with friends. It's like high school all over again.
..Friends, both new and old. Life is so much better with friends!
10 years is a long time to grow up. And grow up I did. After a decade's worth of living my life, I believe I've learned a thing or two. About myself, about the people around me, about the world. I'm learning still. Honestly, I don't know enough. But I know enough to tell you that life is beautiful! And that you are worth it. If only I had a big sister 10 years older who would also tell me the same things I am going to tell you now. So listen up. What I am going to tell you would make life so much easier.
First. You are beautiful. You just don't know it. You don't see it. But others do. I do. You haven't fully gotten out of that awkward stage. Still the ugly duckling. But you'll soon see, that ugly ducklings turn into swans. Beautiful swans. So don't be too hard on yourself. Appreciate that your body is fully functional and healthy. Try to look your best everyday, of course. And learn to love that tiny girl in glasses in the mirror. You'll be surprised to hear what other people say about you 10 years after.
Second. Be kind to your sister. Be her friend. Do not brush away like you always do, you hot-headed little tiger, you. She looks up to you. She needs you. And you need her. I know she's a little annoying, incredibly stubborn, and just a bit self-centered at times. But hey, we all have our flaws. Besides, it's your job as big sister to guide her through life.
Third. Find your faith again. Cultivate it. Cherish it, and practice it. I cannot stress enough how important this is. Your faith will keep you stable, steady, strong. It will help you grow wisdom, and a kind heart, a heart that looks out, not only for herself, but for others, too. It will guide you through life like no one will, especially on this next one.
Fourth. You will be starting college soon. When picking out a course, do not listen to your mother! I'm just kidding. Listen to Ma and Pa, but listen also to your heart. This is where your faith comes in. Back then, I felt completely lost. I didn't know what i wanted. I had a hint, but I wasn't sure. Faith would have pulled me through. It would have given me all the advice I needed, all the wisdom necessary to determine the course that would make me happy. I've had my regrets. I hope you wouldn't have to go through the same.
Fifth. Do not be in a rush to get a boyfriend. Yes, i know. You feel left out because just about everybody has experienced being in a relationship, or is in one. But, please. Don't let that get to you. You are young and beautiful. You can have anybody you want. Believe me. Listen to you parents, too. Trust me. They know better than we do.
Sixth. In relation to the above advice, when you do get in a relationship, please. Do not lose yourself. Your pride is your best friend. Keep it, do not bury it! like I once did. Like I said, you are worth more than you know. Know when enough is enough. Be strong and value yourself. Think! Use your mind, do not rely so much on your emotions. We both know you can get extremely emotional. Think and follow your guts.
Last, do not rush. Relax. I know you want to experience all there is while "young". But what is young? You can be young forever if you so wish! And don't pressure yourself so much. You will achieve great things, I promise you that. Maybe not in 5 years, maybe not even in 10. (Though it would be fantastic if you did. No pressure) But everything has its own time. So sit back, enjoy life and its many twists and turns. You won't ever go back once you've gone past it.