Monday, March 19, 2012

Looking Back

It's been 3 years since I first moved in to Cagayan. (Sheesh! How time flies.) I remember the jumble of emotions I felt at the time. I didn't quite understand what I was feeling. 

The decision to move to my hometown surprised a lot of people, but none were more surprised than me. I have always preferred bustling and fast-paced Manila over convenient and easy-going Cagayan de Oro. After spending my whole life there, it's pretty obvious that I would. Cagayan to me, was only a place to rest. It was a place where we spent the summer and year-end holidays, not a place to stay permanently. 

That was the case until, the February of 2009.

More surprising still was how easy I made that decision. It was as if I was meant to switch homes. 

I was in the middle of a crossroad, then. I was running away from something, and at the same time, in search of something else. I had thought maybe Cagayan held answers. I had hoped that it would offer opportunities, change, or a fresh beginning.

But I sure was unhappy about it. 

I missed my old life terribly. And I hated being the new girl. I had no friends, and I practically had no life.

That was how I came to find this. THIS! 

In those miserable, nothing-to-do moments alone, I discovered a whole new world that I barely knew existed-- a vast and endless community of artists on the internet. 

I would spend hours just browsing through different blogs and websites, admiring them page after page and link after link, clicking away to unveil a multitude of fresh ideas, inspiration, and to-die-for artwork. I just fell in love. And from that moment on, I somehow knew that that was what I wanted. 

I have always wanted to create my own pieces of art, to walk down that career path. I remember thinking, This could be what I have been looking for.

It took a while longer for that realization to really sink in, though. 

Actually, a lot longer.

3 years later, I'm still as lost as I was in the beginning. I still feel like Cagayan is not the place for me, I still miss my old life in Manila, and I'm still no where closer to finding what I was searching for. But I'm no longer miserable. And, I found plenty of new things to be grateful for. 

I found new friends. (And as an incredible bonus, my old friends are still around. It was as if I never left because they came to visit me here often.) I found a new pair of legs (2 pairs actually. And they're not legs, they're wheels!). I found my faith again and became part of a new SGI community. I found new, action-packed experiences as an intensive care nurse. I found 2 godkids. (They're my firsts!) I found a new love. I found what I really loved to do, and I founded my own blog :-))

I'm not done yet. I'm still busy finding things.

I'm still in the middle of crossroads, but I'm moving along. I'll get there, and I'll find my answers. 

One step at a time. :-) 

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